Parents Behaving Badly

Parents Behaving Badly
By CWK Network Producer

According to a new study, when it comes to kids and sports, parents are often pushy, profane and forget what really matters- their child’s enjoyment. What message does that send to their children?

“Parents need to kind of go through a mental checklist to make sure that they are not encouraging sports participation as a way to make up for the lack of participation they themselves might have had during their own childhood.”
-Richard Winer, M.D., Psychiatrist

“Inappropriate gestures and profanity will not be tolerated.” Announcements like that are often heard before high school sporting events these days, but some parents don’t follow those rules.

“Parents (will get) thrown out of the park completely, really getting on ref’s backs,” says father John Economos.

“I’ve seen parents basically berating kids on the ice, you know,” adds father David Dirkse.

And 12-year-old Sean, a club team hockey player, says kids playing the game notice.

“[Parents will] be yelling stuff and you’re in the background just trying to ignore it,” he says. “But when the whole crowd starts doing, it it’s like, ‘Well, I don’t want to deal with them,’ and you feel really bad if it’s [a teammate’s] parents.”

In fact, according to a study by the University of Maryland, 53 percent of parents report getting angry at their child’s game and another 40 percent report yelling at the referee.

Bottom line is- parents are bad sports.

“[The problem is] just loudmouth, overactive parents who are thinking their child will be the next Michael Jordan,” says psychiatrist Richard Winer, M.D.

He says the problem is growing worse as parents envision college scholarships for their kids – or multi-million dollar pro careers.

“So there’s some financial reward that parents often see at the end of the road when it comes to sports participation,” he explains. “Yet the odds are extremely thin that that will happen.”

Instead of a star athlete, he says, overly aggressive parents often end up with a child who is resentful and burned-out.

“They start to feel like, ‘I don’t want to deal with them, so I’ll just quit next year,’” says Sean. “[And] they won’t come back.”

“The parents have to ask directly of the kids, ‘Are you enjoying it’?’” says Winer. “And then say, ‘It’s okay if you don’t enjoy this particular sports activity. Maybe there’s something else you would like better.’ And [parents need] to be very blunt and say, ‘You won’t hurt my feelings if you end up getting away from this particular sport and either try another sport or maybe some non-sports activity.’”

Be a Good Sport
By CWK Network, Inc.

According to a new study, when it comes to kids and sports, parents are often pushy, profane and forget what really matters- their child’s enjoyment. What message does that send to their children?

“Parents need to kind of go through a mental checklist to make sure that they are not encouraging sports participation as a way to make up for the lack of participation they themselves might have had during their own childhood.”
-Richard Winer, M.D., Psychiatrist

The St. Louis Sports Commission created the National Sportsmanship Foundation to reinforce positive behavior in youth sports. With studies finding over half of kids quitting organized sports by the age of 13 due to their parents, this movement is now more important than ever in order to keep children involved, healthy, and alongside their peers. The Commission’s parenting guide, “Through a Child’s Eyes… A Parents’ Guide to Improving Youth Sports” includes the following tips for parents to remember when their child begins playing sports:

• Find a sports league that advocates for fair play and good sportsmanship
• Ask your child what they are hoping to accomplish in participating in sports
• Stay positive, even when your child faces disappointment
• Ensure your child’s coach is not only focused on winning
• Let your child know it is their decision of whether they want to continue playing

Following the guide’s “child-centered philosophy” will make an enjoyable experience for both parents and children alike, and will help your child to learn the important values of teamwork, discipline, and responsibility while still having fun!

What Parents Need to Know

As a parent, you must avoid becoming wrapped up in how well your child performs. Don’t lose sight of what’s really important and forget that one of the most important goals of youth sports is helping children develop a sense of good sportsmanship. Children practice good sportsmanship when they treat their teammates, opponents, coaches and officials with respect. They learn the basics of sportsmanship from the adults in their lives, especially parents and coaches. Those who see adults behaving in a sportsmanlike way will realize that the real winners in sports — and in life itself — are those who persevere and behave with dignity regardless of whether they win or lose. A child who bullies opponents on the playing field is likely to continue that behavior in the classroom and other social situations. Here are some suggestions to build sportsmanship in your child:

• Unless you actually are the coach, remember you’re the parent. Shout encouragement, not directions, from the sidelines.
• If you are the coach, don’t expect more out of your own child than you do of his/her teammates. And don’t play favorites, either.
• Make only positive comments. Don’t badmouth players, coaches or game officials. If you have a legitimate gripe, discuss it privately with those involved.
• Applaud good plays without regard to who makes them.
• Set a good example by congratulating parents of the opposing team when they win.
• Don’t push your child into a sport you enjoy. Let him/her decide what to play and the commitment to give that sport.
• Keep your perspective. Even if your child loses every game of the season, it’s unlikely to ruin the rest of their life.
• Talk with your child about the good and bad examples of sportsmanship you see at the college and professional levels.
• Always remember to have fun. Even if your child is not the star player, he/she is learning new skills and making friends.